Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
