Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
