dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
