I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
