Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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