Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
