Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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