3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
