Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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