For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
