why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Text me some of your sweat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
