who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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