Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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