I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
