Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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