I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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