ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
