Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
