Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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