You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
