Will you blow on my dice?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
