Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she peed on how many people?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
