God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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