hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
whose parrot is this?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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