brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
