Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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