Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
