She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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