im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
