He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
