My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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