apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
this is an emotional support booty call
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
