my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
