i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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