I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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