My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
