Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well you can't waste a boner
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
