So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
