They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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