Cold hands, warm shart.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
