Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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