Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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