did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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