What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
