how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
