I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
