so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
