I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
