I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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