My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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