He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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