btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
