Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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