I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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