So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
