I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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