I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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