I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
