I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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