so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
