I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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