Need sex. Gaining weight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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