a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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