cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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