Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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