Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.