too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dating After Heartbreak
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag