that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday