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When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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