Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
