you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
