ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
