Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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