i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
