now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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