How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
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Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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