i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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