i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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