normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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