I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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