you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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