erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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