i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
