So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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