Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
