its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
