And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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